July 12, 2005
Profiles, Boxes and Classifications
It occured to me in the last few days that I have no profile about me on this blog. Sure, there's the obligatory About Me link listed up at the top, but it takes you to an older part of my website and a longish bio that no one will really read all the way through. There's no pithy paragraph in the sidebar summing me up in 255 characters or less.
As I cruise through various blogs on Blogexplosion or just surfing through the links that tie so many blogs together, I'm always amazed at how many people post a profile - and often a picture. I just can't do it.
I don't have a particularly bad self-image - I think the one I have is pretty honest overall. But I don't think that a paragraph or two does me justice. Not just me, I don't think it does anyone justice. I suppose it goes back to that Free to Be You and Me upbringing in the 70s. If you can't sum up a person with the color of their skin, you really can't do it in a paragraph, either. And yet, we try to do that. We try to box people up and categorize them so we know what to expect from them. And when people don't stay neatly within that safe little box that we've set up for them, we tend to get so angry, confused and even hurt.
In the last year I've met a couple of people who happen to be Jehovah's Witnesses. You know what? I don't put them in a box and expect them to try to save me. I don't expect them to be any certain way. Yeah, I was a little surprised when one of those folks turned out to be a big comic book geek, but then I'd be surprised if a lot of folks from a lot of different religious denominations turned out to be big comic book geeks. Stunned? No. Surprised a little.
I know comic book geeks who have social skills. I know comic book geeks with no social skills and who look and act like Comic Book Guy from the Simpsons. I know religious people who never step foot in a church. I know self-proclaimed moral, upright people who cheat people. I know lots of different people and I know lots of different little boxes we use to classify people.
I don't like any of those boxes.
My whole life I have fought against putting anyone in a box. Particularly me. I've fought different parts of my history, my life or my personality because I felt it would be too easy for people to put me in one box or another. I've had people say, "Oh, I've got your number now. You're going to do X next, because you're a Y." And even if I had really wanted to do X, I wouldn't do it just to explode that little trap of a box that was waiting there for me. I'm so much more than any of those boxes - the idea of being caught in one, even for a moment just terrifies me. It's not that I have some illusion that I'm some unreadable and unknowable creature. I want to be known just as much as the next person. I just don't want to be limited by my actions or thoughts or emotions of one moment.
I guess, really, I hate boxes because they're static and unchanging. And I have refused my whole life to be stagnant. I never want to stop growing and stretching and learning and living. I've come close a few times . . . close to falling asleep and becoming complacent and slipping into a box. But something in me is determined to always keep moving and growing. Maybe that's just the ADHD talking, I don't know.
ADHD, raised Catholic, gay, teacher, writer, student, cancer survivor, basketball, softball, skateboarding, bike-riding, acting, female, abuse survivor, Mac geek, computer geek, web geek, comic book geek, defender, underdog, role-playing geek, adult child of an alcoholic, wannabe Navajo, I love organizing things, I'm a slob, I love reading, asthmatic, I have 2 dogs, I have 4 cats, I've fixed the hardware in my laptop, I've been fired for no reason, I've lived in four states and eight towns, my first relationship lasted for ten years, my current relationship has been going for six years.
Loads of details in that paragraph. But none of it really says who I am. You still need to distill nuance from the vapor of truth, to badly paraphrase Neal Stephenson.
There's always something left out. So I suppose I see those profiles as an exercise in futility. I'd rather write what I write and let you know me through that. It takes longer. It still doesn't cover all the boxes that you could slap me into. But through the vapors I write, you can distill a truth and something of my personality.
Just some words to leave you with as I take off on vacation.
Posted by Red Monkey at July 12, 2005 1:07 AM |
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I've never liked taking my picture. I've always considered those who did to be vain. I see it now more as a form of 'memories' for someday when I'll be gone, so my kids will have some pictures.
Long ago I read that Indians wouldn't have their pictures taken because they believed it stole part of their spirit. And since then, I dislike my picture taken even more.
I don't think any of us were meant to fit in boxes, especially not God.
peace
asimonini said:
Can you read this?
You said "box"!
July 27, 2005 2:07 PM
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jane said: