You can go into any high school in the U.S. and tell after just a few minutes what kids have bad parents.
Not an exact quote that I saw on the ShoutBox over at BlogExplosion today, but close. And one that really cheesed me off.
You see, I had everyone at my school snowed. I was an honors student. I never snuck out of the house. I never "did it" with a guy while in high school (or college, for that matter). I never took drugs, not even marijuana. I never TP'd a house even though I did have to clean up after other kids' TP'd ours. If my curfew was 10:00, I was home at 9:55. I got good grades, not valedictorian class, but good. I never did get detention, all the way through school.
I was easily one of the kids this person would have classified as good and coming from good parents.
I was a good kid. But I didn't come from good parents.
Was I the exception to prove the rule? Or do the "statistics" really back up this person's assertion that bad parents = bad kids and good parents = good kids?
Come on, folks -- what do you say?
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EDITED:
Glad to see some comments rolling in. One commenter (Tim) points out that without knowing my age and more about why I called my parents bad parents, my assertion doesn't hold too much water. He's right, so here's more of the details.
I'm 36, I'll be 37 in November. Why do I consider my parents bad? That's harder to answer in a public forum like this ... but I brought it up to begin with, so I should bite the bullet and put up or shut up.
My mom is OCD, clinically severely depressed, a very co-dependent personality who thinks that the nun psychologist who ran the assessment tests for mom to become a nun about 15 years ago was out to get her.
My dad is an alcoholic, abusive (physically, verbally, and otherwise), addicted to sex, racist, disinterested in his family.
They weren't "bad parents" for being invasive in my life. I'm not an overly sensitive 23 year old who thinks Mom and Dad were meanies. They were bad parents for a myriad of real reasons. And I didn't turn to drugs, alcohol OR acting like them.
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EDIT 2 (Sunday Morning):
Scooter, as originator of the quote, has some clarifications in the comments section. He further elaborates that I may have confused "bad person" with "bad parent" and the existence of a curfew may just demonstrate they were good parents.
Poppycock. Plain and simple, if you have parents who beat their kids, rape their kids, keep their kids from as much social interaction as they can without getting noticed -- they are bad parents regardless of whether or not there was a curfew and a few other niceties of good parenting. These things make them bad parents as well as bad people. Just having a curfew does not mean they were actually involved in the child's life. Did they actually enforce the curfew? How did they do so? Did the child obey out of extreme fear or respect or just because they didn't want to be grounded (or otherwise reasonably punished)? Two of those reasons imply good parenting. The first reason indicates very very bad parenting.
It's not nature versus nurture as one of the commenters mentioned. It's a mix of both that creates a bad kid, as cooper points out.
Posted by Red Monkey at September 24, 2005 6:27 PM |
Never Underestimate the Power of Human Stupidity
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While I see your point, I'd still agree with the original statement (especially given that I don't know your basis for evaluating your parents as "bad parents").
I've been through an awful lot of school, and met an awful lot of people. I'd say that good parenting is largely coincident with well-behaved, driven kids.
I'll qualify all of this, however. I don't know how old you are, or (again), why you consider your parents "bad parents." But I know that when I was in high school, and for a fair portion of my time in undergrad, I thought my parents weren't very "good."
It turns out that the reasons I thought my parents weren't very good were actually the things that helped me become who I am. I thank them every chance I get now...
September 24, 2005 8:55 PMEric said:
I say = right on!! A definite cheese-off was required. Sometimes great kids come from bad homes, sometimes good parents have craptacular kids. That's why a lot of families have three kids: one who is the "good kid," one who is the "bad kid," and one who is going to feel inadequate anyway.
Or so it seems to me.
September 24, 2005 8:57 PMKinky Poe said:
Everyone is an individual & not everything can be attributed to parents. Obviously a lot of bad kids come from bad parents, but I don't think it is anyway the norm.
I was an honors student AND I smoked pot, ditched class & participated in much juvenile delinquency. So how would someone else even be able to determine if I was good or bad kid? What are the criteria?
Also, the trouble I got into had less to do with my parents & more to do with my personality. I just wasn't the type to believe what I was told. I always had to touch the hot stove to see if really was hot.
September 24, 2005 9:53 PMcooper said:
I think people kid themselves when they think that, they want to think that for some reason. I think how a kid turns out is partially environmantal and genetic. It may well be the luck of the draw. I knw kids from great parents that are totally fucked up and living a loser life and kids from fucked up parents that have said ....well fuck it I'm not my parents- and have moved on never having an ounce of trouble.
September 24, 2005 10:10 PMScott said:
Just a few clarifications as I was the originator of the quote. Obviously there are exceptions to the rule, but I can tell the parents with high degree of accuracy where there are not extreme conditions, i.e. death in the family and the like. Also you may have confused being a bad person with being a bad parent. My father had demons of his own and might beat your dad in a bad person contest, but that doesn�t necessarily make them bad parents. The fact that you mentioned that you even had a curfew makes me inclined to think that your parents were not as bad of parents as you may think.
And by the way, I am not a kid like you stated.
September 24, 2005 10:33 PMRed Monkey said:
I never did call you a kid, Scooter. I said "I was easily one of the kids this person would have classified as good and coming from good parents."
September 25, 2005 8:30 AMScott said:
You said "really back up this kid's assertion" and since you were talking about my addertion, that means you called me a kid.
Also you are making it sound that I always can spot bad parents, that is not the case, I'll I'm trying to say is that I have a very good track record doing it, not perfect. I do not judge by a fly by judgement, I talking about spending hours with the kid.
If you want your one person litmas test, that in itself is tainted because it involves you, to make up your mind vs my very extesive sample set, than fine. Personally I tend to go with fact over one persons biased views.
September 25, 2005 12:38 PMRed Monkey said:
Scott -
My apologies, I ran right over that line when I was re-reading it. I've corrected it to read "person's" instead of "kid's."
I'm also not making a one-person litmus test here. I disagree with you in the extreme, but don't feel like going to the bookshelves to pull out all of my social work and psychology research to beat a dead horse.
Also, you keep saying that you have a "very extensive" sample set, but you never do give the numbers nor what method of collection you're using. You don't give how detailed the information is that you've collected. In fact, you are doing the basic "I've researched this and I know so you should trust me" approach. Since I don't feel like going to pull out all my research, I'm doing the same thing. Neither one of us is going to win the other one over by speaking in generalities, but I'm not sure either one of us had that as a purpose. Personally, I wanted to get some conversation going rather than argue the point.
peace.
September 25, 2005 2:43 PMheather said:
Surfing in from blog explosion :
I think whenever someone makes a generalization like that there will be people who don't fit it. Probably in general that is true, but as in your case that's not how it was. I hear all the time that only children are spoiled brats and I don't think at all my parents spoiled me. However there are plently of em out there!
September 25, 2005 6:50 PM
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Tim said: