Coyote and the Spider
December 28, 2006

First: a word of warning. Don't ever write a post whilst charging a brand new laptop battery and then unplug the computer because the new battery is charged.

Yeah. It was like that.

POOF!

Anyhow, as I was saying earlier, before the battery ate my post, we moved to Austin, Texas, sometime just after I turned five. This was by far my favourite of the six homes and five towns we'd lived in. There were no windows in the front two bedrooms which faced the street. (If you look at the picture, you'll see what I mean.) I had the bedroom that looked over the little covered entry to our front door and I loved it. I could see everyone who came and went to our house ... provided, of course, I was in my room at the time. It certainly meant that I had a good watch for any babysitters ... or for any visiting relatives.

One Halloween when I was about seven or so, I got some little plastic black spiders. Nowadays you usually see these as little rings ... I think they're less of a choking hazard that way, but back in the day, these were simply spiders.

I kind of need to back up for a moment and remind you that my mother is not a lover of nature. In fact, the outdoors terrifies her. Horrifies her. (Don't forget the Possum Story.) Naturally, in Austin, then, she was terrified of scorpions and black widow spiders. These atrocities were, of course, around every corner and underneath every rock.

With all the thinking that goes into an elementary student's decorations, I put some of the black plastic spiders in my window screen. You know, where spiders GO.

So the next time my mom and I are coming home from somewhere, I am more than a little bit startled when she SHRIEKS and points at my window.

Apparently she thought the stationary, shiny, plastic spiders were real.

As any good lower elementary school student, I fell onto the front porch and rolled on the cement, laughing. I think I nearly peed my pants, I was laughing so hard.

Of course at that age, if you do it ONCE and it's funny ... doing it MORE is even MORE funny.

So, every few days, the spiders would go back in the window and every few days, Mom would SCREAM as she once more saw the plastic spiders in my window.

After a few weeks of this, I was absolutely, positively FORBIDDEN to put the spiders back in the window.

The problem with this, of course, is that I was a very creative ... and Calvin-like ... child. So, I did not put the spiders in the window after being forbidden to do so.

I put them on Mom's pillow instead.

I knew when she went to sleep every night for about a week. She woke me up with that scream. And I chortled myself back to sleep.

Eventually, this too, came to a stop.

Fast forward to Friday, December 22, 2006. My mom calls to ask if we are still coming to Christmas, which I found puzzling until the other half reminded me that we had at least two Christmases when the weather kept us from traveling. As Mom and I are chatting, somehow, the subject of the little plastic spiders comes up, gets discussed and Mom chastises me whilst laughing.

Fast forward two more days. My cousins and I are going to go out and about and buy stocking stuffers at Foy's Five and Dime in downtown Dayton, Ohio. This is actually something between a Halloween store and a candy store ... and an old fashioned five and dime. It's incredible. I picked up a tiny kite that was a Thunderbird plane, I picked up a good old-fashioned Nerf ball (even though it's not Nerf brand comments/sad.gif), some good candies, some bad candies (salt and lemon ... very little lemon ... LOADS of salt ... and they're pop rocks ... if you can make it thru the salt ... did i mention LOADS and LOADS of salt?).

And little plastic black spider rings.

Oh yeah.

I went there.

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Naturally, I also purchased a single black spider ring. I carefully snipped the ring part off and at the earliest opportunity, I planted it in Mom's suitcase.

And I hovered, waiting for her to open it. Which she did.

And she didn't see it. Several times.

So, of course, I had to re-situate things. I unrolled her PJ bottoms since they were a nice light colour, and re-placed the plastic spider carefully. Showcased it.

And waited.

And waited.

And waited some more.

And then, as my aunt and my partner and I are all sitting around in the living room, I hear it. A huge scream, followed quickly by "EEEEENNNNNNNNNDERRRRRRRRRRRRR!"

LMFAO

It's just as good 30 years later. I might be 38 chronologically, but ya know ... you're only as old as you think you are.

I damn near wet my pants I was laughing so hard.

Ahhhh, just like old times.

Never mind that no one else found it quite as funny as I did. Mom got the joke. She remembered. I remembered.

And it was a damn good memory. comments/haha.gifcomments/haha.gifcomments/haha.gif

Posted by Red Monkey at December 28, 2006 4:15 PM | Storytelling: She was, of course, supposed to be sleeping. | | StumbleUpon Toolbar Stumble |

 

jodi said:

evil just evil....

BUT HILARIOUS TOO!

hee hee

December 28, 2006 7:05 PM

 

Red said:

oh to be young and care free again or at least to be able to fall down laughing and not have someone call the men in white coats to come for you...lol

Fun post ender thinks for the laughs!

December 28, 2006 7:12 PM

 

mike said:

Goofball....lol

December 29, 2006 10:40 AM

 

Smash said:

Evil is as evil does.... mwahahahahaha Smashxxxx

December 29, 2006 11:32 AM

 

MsDemmie said:

Wicked , wicked girl !

December 29, 2006 3:13 PM
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