March 15, 2010

New Look Coming

About two years ago, I designed a totally different look for Red Monkey and have had too many other projects going to ever implement it. Yesterday I got a bee up my butt and coded most of it for the main page. I need to finish up the footer and then decide what I'm doing on the archive pages (I'm thinking of dumping the category pages as they're just too damn long and useless - unless someone knows a *good* MT plug-in for pagination?). I'm guessing I'll have it up by the end of the week.

If you want a sneak peek at the work in progress ... check it out here.

Posted by Red Monkey at 5:17 AM | Comments (1) | Blog | Design | Stumble

January 9, 2010

Apparatus

If you ever get bleach in your eye, rinse it out with room temperature water for 5-10 minutes. Then, go to the doctor or urgent care or ER, where they will evaluate your eye and continue the irrigation with a bag of saline. They give you some antibiotic drops and possibly a tetanus shot and send you home.

How do they irrigate your eye? I'm glad you asked. One end of a tube is attached to the IV saline. Then they slip this "contact" lens onto the eyeball:

It was an exciting Saturday.

Particularly after we finally got home and then had to dig and then push the truck out of a snowbank because someone wasn't paying attention to that either.

Posted by Red Monkey at 5:04 PM | Comments (5) | Blog | Struggles | Stumble

December 1, 2009

Jazzy Good Gifts

I know. I've been ridiculously quiet. Part of that is the insane sinus infection that hit this weekend. Made it to work yesterday, but then my sinuses got worse and worse and worse over the course of the evening. Felt like my head was full of dried-out rubber cement. Didn't get to sleep until after 7 a.m., which is when I usually arrive at work. I could barely move, much less concentrate, so I stayed home and slept off and on all day.

But, in the immortal words of Arlo Guthrie, that's not what I came to tell you about.

My friend Sherry K, has a wonderful little website called The Jazzy Gourmet where she not only showcases her wonderful music, but also her incredible sweets. If you're looking for a new, good Christmas CD, check her out. Or if you want to send a basket of sweets as a gift, REALLY check her out. I've had the pleasure of getting to eat some of her incredible concoctions, and I tell you, it's good stuff. (The chewy peanut butter/caramel thing is to die for. Seriously, there are fights over who eats that at this house.)

Posted by Red Monkey at 6:27 PM | Comments (0) | Blog | Stumble

June 18, 2009

Blerg

I hate being sick.

I thought I could bull through it, forced myself to go to work. Thought it would be ok. Lasted about 45 minutes and then about ralfed. I know, TMI, TMI.

Hopefully this will be over with soon (I've mostly felt better this evening) and I can finally snap the pic I need to get the next post published.

Posted by Red Monkey at 8:28 PM | Comments (1) | Blog | Stumble

June 7, 2009

By The Numbers

I originally started this blog after my teaching gig ended. I had an idea at the time that I would expose the mess that is our education "system" here in the U.S. (One problem, of course, being that there is no unified system - just as with our health care "system.") I quickly realized that I was too hurt and too close to the problems to write effectively about it.

So I did what I always do, wrote about whatever popped into my head. Seemed like my writing garnered some attention for a little while and I was accepted into 9Rules. At first Red Monkey blog was categorized as a personal blog, later it was categorized as commentary. The truth is it's a schizophrenic blend of personal, commentary and design. The blog changed as I did, which I think is how it should be.

Recent blog statistics:
Of the last 500 visitors, 87% left in under 5 seconds.
5% stayed 5-30 seconds.
5% stayed 30 seconds to 5 minutes.
About 3% stayed longer than 5 minutes.

The pages most frequently loaded and viewed are archive pages - "people say I have adhd but I think - hey look a chicken" is the most popular, followed by a Heinlein quote which is another category title: "never underestimate the power of human stupidity." A third category is also quite popular, apparently from people searching for pr0n based on the search terms that get him here: "storytelling - she was of course supposed to be sleeping." The search terms used are ... well ... *shudder*

Most frequently viewed articles include my disgust at Nerf for making a "toy" sniper rifle as well as my modification of a Nerf gun into a steampunk version. The other two articles that get much attention is a reposting of Jeremy Lavine's goofy "essays" and my frustration with AT&T.

I used to get around 500 hits per day ... I am now down to 50 - 100 hits per day and the bulk of those hits are coming from Google image searches.

I have enjoyed the interactions I've had and I have really loved the friendships I've made online. That alone makes me loathe to shut this down. But the truth of the matter is I'm not the best about reciprocation. I do read other blogs, but not very often and not nearly consistently enough. I rarely comment because, to be honest, most blogs I read get tons of comments already and I generally feel like I have nothing to add to the conversation that hasn't already been said. Of course, this means I break the prime rule of blogging - if you want comments, you need to comment. Blogging is about relationships and interaction.

Which leaves me wondering why I keep the blog open.

Great reduction in hits, next to no comments ... and my own inconsistency in posting. On the other hand, I got a comment while I was writing this post and thinking about the future of this blog. And, I have, according to the Feedburner chiclet anyway, more readers now than ever before.

I wonder now if I should have joined BlogHer when they first contacted me as that certainly seems to be where most bloggers I know online are at - and the network certainly seems to be really good. At the time I did not join because I wasn't sure my blog in all of its vastly wild topics was really a fit for something called BlogHer. I'm still not sure about that answer, although the fact that I follow a bunch of BlogHer folk over on Twitter certainly indicates I was/am probably wrong about this blog fitting into BlogHer.

So I'm asking my readers:
1) Do you want this blog to continue?
2) What kinds of posts do you want to continue to see?
3) What posting time frame works? Three times a week? more?
4) What is your opinion of the BlogHer network?

Your answers, either in the comments or via the contact link at the top of the page, will help me decide what I'm going to do next with Red Monkey. Regardless of what happens, thank you for hanging around. I do appreciate it.

Posted by Red Monkey at 8:11 AM | Comments (3) | Blog | Stumble

May 16, 2009

Four Years Earlier ...

Here's the blog anniversary post for your enjoyment ... Jodi asked a few days? weeks? ago, why the red monkey ... here's the answer. Oh ... and the red monkey graphic? That's not the red monkey that I talk about here ... that's a vector graphic I drew for this blog ... based on one of my other passions: Fisher Price Little People. So now you know.

I love antique stores and junk stores. I have this thing for toys, particularly old toys. I'm fascinated by everything from the packaging and advertising to the toys themselves. The problem is a lot of those so-called antique stores - at least the ones that also sell old toys - are really antique store and collectibles store combos. So I'll see a booth full of Nascar stuff next to one with clothes from the 20s and 30s. Not a big deal, really, it's usually all interesting stuff - if it wasn't for the crazy prices some of the collectibles folks tend to charge.

Anyhow, this is about 1999 or 2000 and I'm walking through a pretty cool antique store when I round the corner to the biggest flippin' display of Ty Beanie Babies I've ever seen. And despite their frenzied, must-have popularity, some of these little guys are really cute and clever. I already had a handful of the things, ones I thought were really cool or cute. I have the otter, the Ireland bear and a few others. (Why haven't they made a dolphin yet??) I also have the first monkey they made, cuz I've always really liked monkeys.

So, in this display case they have this really cool new Beanie Baby I haven't seen yet, a little red monkey with a cute tan face and a little fluff of hair on top of his head. I have to have him. DId I mention that some of these collectible places think they can charge 4-5 times the retail prices on a toy that's just come out? Not a toy that's been out and then discontinued, excuse me, "retired." A toy that is currently being mass produced but just barely started hitting the shelves - those toys are worth the retail price. Not "scalper" prices.

So this scalper booth wants $20 or $25 for a $5 stuffed animal. I stomped past, growling and grousing about opportunistic scalpers and this kind of artificial supply and demand being among the worst of human impulses. I do not "have to have" something like a little stuffed animal so badly that I will pay 5x its actual worth. I would pay $1 or $2 more to have it now - I can be that shallow and that careless about my spending money from time to time. But this, this is not capitalism - it's stupidity. Stupidity on the part of the seller and on the part of anyone who gives in and buys the overpriced goods.

Yeah, my friends are tired of that rant, too.

So, later that night, my friends and I are sitting in the living room watching a movie. It's a pseudo-SF movie called Strange Days. It's an awesome movie set just a touch in the future when people don't just watch reality tv, they experience it through virtual programs on the computer.

Well, I'd seen the movie before and it was fast becoming one of my favorites, but I was a little restless and bored that night. So everyone's really really into the movie, the tension's building and I'm kinda looking around the room. I see my little beanie-baby monkey on the bookshelf.

"I really want that red monkey," I say aloud.

The whole room turns to stare at me in shock. "What?"

The movie had to be paused and rewound a bit. Evidently it was a really intense point in the flick.

"What?" I ask, all wounded innocence and surprised at their reaction.

"Where did that come from?" they reply.

"I was just looking around the room and saw my little monkey and that reminded me of the beanie baby we saw in that store today - " there's much eye-rolling at this pronouncement "-and I just realized that I really want that little monkey."

"We're in this intense part of the movie and you're talking about a stuffed monkey?"

Somehow, my explanation did not help my case at all. "I've seen the movie before" I point out helpfully.

"I repeat, we're in this tense and intense part of the movie and you are thinking about a toy monkey?" The room is staring at me now. Finally someone grabs the remote and flips the movie back to play, muttering, "You are so ADD."

You've maybe seen the t-shirt that says "They say I have ADD, but I don't think ...Hey look! A chicken!" Well, my chicken is a red monkey.

Interestingly enough, a year or so later I was diagnosed as ADHD.

Now, I have a McD's teenie beanie version atop my monitor at work and the regular-sized one in the home office.

So, that's the story of the red monkey.

And now you know lots of important tidbits about me.

So now you know.

Posted by Red Monkey at 4:07 PM | Comments (0) | Blog | Stumble