January 2, 2007

Playlist

Yeah, it's like that today.

"That's What I Get" Nine Inch Nails
"Wish You Were Here" Pink Floyd
"Terrible Lie" NIN
"Three County Highway" Indigo Girls
"Unwell" Matchbox 20
"Welcome Me" Indigo Girls
"Three Hits" Indigo Girls
"Comfortably Numb" Pink Floyd
"A Poem On The Underground Wall" Simon & Garfunkel
"Sanctified" NIN
"Mother" Pink Floyd
"Precious Pain" Melissa Etheridge
"Dirt and Dead Ends" Indigo Girls
"On the Turning Away" Pink Floyd
"Head Like a Hole" NIN
"Dragula" Rob Zombie
"Angel" Sarah McLachlan

(Who else puts these folks into the same playlist? Sheesh.)

Posted by Red Monkey at 11:12 AM | Comments (3) | Never Underestimate the Power of Human Stupidity | TrackBack | Stumble

December 31, 2006

Search Terms

We all get weird hits for bizarre search terms. It's the nature of having a category page or a long post ... eventually the words someone has put into a very odd order are going to show up on your page. Probably not all together as the searcher was apparently hoping ... still.

Someone from Houston, Texas, got to my site with the search term: lesbian monkey metaphor.

Obviously they did not enter "lesbian monkey metaphor" which would have only showed pages which used that phrase as three consecutive words. I feel quite certain that until today I never ever ever said anything about any lesbian monkey metaphor.

Crap.

I'm going to get more hits for this now that I've posted about it, aren't I?

Ah well. I had to share this because it's just so freaking bizarre.

Also today I noticed a few stellar stand-bys:
what the song the guy sing with the monkey
red monkey jeans
what is the red monkey jeans
do red monkey jeans exist (answer ... I wish they did not!)

and then the one that always makes me hurt:
hodgkin's disease what is the price to pay

Hodgkin's might be cancer lite, but it's still cancer and I never like to see someone searching for it as it likely means someone they know is affected by it.

Meanwhile, I'm hovering near the phone today. I found out this morning that a good friend of mine was rushed to the hospital this morning. I've no idea what the prognosis is, where they've taken him, when he can have visitors. This doesn't look like an auspicious beginning to 2007 so far, but hey, maybe he'll be fine and that'll make it a great start to the year, right? Right?

Lesbian Monkey Metaphor

Where do people come up with this shit?
Oh ... and Mr. 67.10.74.204 from Houston, Texas? I'm sorry you're stuck with a Windows XP machine, but you really might want to switch over to FireFox instead of IE 6 ... you're already running a machine prone to virii and the like. You might want to switch to a browser that's a bit better than that crap Microsoft hands out like Chiclets on the border.
Just saying.

Posted by Red Monkey at 2:17 PM | Comments (2) | Never Underestimate the Power of Human Stupidity | TrackBack | Stumble

November 23, 2006

ID or Leave ... Nah, Tazer

This did not happen to me. This did happen to someone in the U.S. recently. I've tried to stay as close to the facts that I do have as possible, though I can't be absolutely positive of that.

I am in the library computer lab. My school has random ID checks served to help keep the homeless out of the library after hours. Our computer lab is open later than the library itself ... so long as we get into the lab before the library closes, we can stay and work.

There are tons of students here with me. We're all working, and as I finish and am on my way out of the lab with my backpack, I am suddenly asked for my ID by campus police/security. That this is a random check and they do this randomly to everyone. No one else has been asked, but my skin marks me as from the middle east. I'm tired. I'm frustrated.

"Show your ID or leave."

I go to leave. I tell them I'm leaving. I also tell them they should check some random white students, too, if they're really being "random" about it all.

Apparently they are tired and frustrated and perhaps angry as well. Maybe they're scared of me. I don't know. But now they have pulled out tasers and handcuffs and they insist on seeing my ID. I don't know why I don't show it. It would be easier if I would. But I'm tired of the constant suspicion, the funny looks. I'm just tired of it all. I've read about non-violent procedures. I think, maybe, tonight is the night. It's a scary thing ... but so is all of this constant suspicion.

"I'm leaving, just as you asked."

They are following me, they still want my ID. I don't understand why they are hounding me like this. They put hands on me and finally tired of the stress, tired of the harassment, tired of going along with every little thing, I go completely limp. Non-violent. The opposite of what they expect of me, I'm sure.

The first blast of the taser takes me completely by surprise. I hit the ground and I can't help but scream. I didn't expect that much pain.

"Here's your Patriot Act, here's your fucking abuse of power!"

I'm crying as they taser me again and begin yelling at me to stand up. I've been hit by several 3-5 second blasts of electricity. I can't do much but cry and scream. I can't believe how much this hurts. And they're doing this in front of 50-60 other college students. I thought this was how you were supposed to do civil disobedience and be safe about it. These guys, they don't care. They just want to hurt me. I was leaving like they asked.

Now they're shouting at me to stand up! I can't hardly move after the taser, much less stand up. Everything hurts and feels like rubber. I'd only fall over again. Students have been gathering around me. They're demanding the cops' badge numbers and information. I don't know if they give a crap about me, but at least they can see this situation isn't right.

But I guess these guys are really scared of me. Because I can't count how many times I've been tasered. Don't they know it takes at least five full minutes to be able to function again after a taser blast like these? Five to fifteen minutes. It can't have been that long. They're handcuffing me now and I still can't hardly move. Another taser blast while handcuffed? What do they think I can do? Why are they doing this to me? I can't do anything to them ... and I never threatened them at all. I was non-violent ... I did nothing ... I was leaving when they told me to show ID or leave. Why pick on me?

I'm dragged out of the building limp, in pain, in handcuffs. Part of me wishes I'd just shown my ID. Part of me is glad that I stood up to this. I'm tired of getting picked on.

And all I can think is that while I can see that other Americans were trying to help me even though they didn't know me, the police over-reacted. And probably because of my skin. I know that some people in Iran will use this to solidify their hatred of the U.S. ... and that some Americans will use this to further solidify their suspicions of anyone with "middle-eastern" skin.

I am hopeful, however. There were American students standing up for me. There is good here ... there is working together here ... even through the pain of this incident, there is hope. We can work together. There can be discussion instead of knee-jerk reaction and fear.

-- LA Voice.org ... quotes at least two articles about the real event.

Again, this is a fictionalized version of events based on the articles I've read and the bits of the video which are visible (it was caught on a video cell phone and uploaded to YouTube).

I don't pretend to speak for Mostafa Tabatabainejad ... he can do that himself, I have no doubt. I put this fictionalized account out here to show one set of possible motivations. To put a human face on what goes on. To remind us that for all of our differences, our reactions are much the same and we are much more alike than we sometimes would prefer to think.

Posted by Red Monkey at 8:32 AM | Comments (6) | Never Underestimate the Power of Human Stupidity | TrackBack | Stumble

November 6, 2006

Magi-Tech

My mother does not have an milliliter of technological or mechanical sense whatsoever. I say this first, because I should probably be punished severely for making fun of this 60 year old woman, but hey, this was FUNNY, dammit.

So, Mom calls me Saturday and says, "I think I need to buy an iPod."

After picking the phone up off the floor and being grateful the battery didn't fall out of the thing, I answer, "Really? Why?" You have to understand ... my mother needs nothing. This is a woman who thinks that she shouldn't bother to fix her air conditioning because it's too much money ... and then she ignores the higher cooling bills, and complains about the higher temperatures in her house. And she lives in TEXAS, so it's not like the weather is just a little balmy.

"Well, there's this AM radio station I listen to and it has all my music on it. But they don't come in very well at work ... or at home ... and they're really tiny ... and I think they might go out of business. Because you know, all of their listeners are dying off." She makes this little laugh that I suppose is supposed to make me feel sorry for her. "You know, literally," she adds when I don't laugh back appreciatively.

She stops the conversation there. I am unsure how an iPod enters into things.

"So I need an iPod, right?"

"No, you need that radio station to stay on the air and get a bigger tower, I think."

"Well," she harumphs at me. "Since we know that's not going to happen, I need an iPod, right?"

"No, what you need is iTunes or something, Mom."

Now there's a long discussion explaining internet radio stations to her. She's on dial-up and couldn't access those at work when she's on a big line. So I then explain purchasing MP3s and the like online, that she'll have to pay $1 a song for her music. She is horrified, but would never entertain the idea of LimeWire or the like.

"A DOLLAR!"

The mind boggles. I thought a buck a song was reasonable. I want to make sure the artists' get something, for crying out loud.

I begin trying to explain how MP3 files work.

"So it's just like a little file on your computer? So it'll have a little icon like a Microsoft Word document? Won't it fill up my hard drive?"

"Yes, yes, yes. That's it."

"Well, I don't want to fill up my hard drive."

Apparently the music should just magically stream through her magic computer and equally magic iPod.

I finally get everything explained to her and she decides she needs a CD burner, but she's concerned about the overwhelming price of blank CDs.

I am almost out of the dark and scary woods that represent this conversation. I have so far managed to not lose her to the dank murk of the woods for more than a minute or two at a time. I have even guided her through a brief discussion of MP3 vs. AIFF encoding methods.

Then, sadly, I open my mouth one too many times after she says it's a shame because she has all these old records and no record player. "Oh," I tell her, "I've got a USB record player ... it hooks directly into my computer and I can record all my old vinyl and turn them into CDs."

After ten minutes of "REALLY?" at the top of her lungs, she is now bringing all of her old records to Christmas this year and I'll be spending January, February and most of March burning CDs for her.

How did I know that her asking me about an iPod was going to be more work for me???

Posted by Red Monkey at 10:29 AM | Comments (9) | Never Underestimate the Power of Human Stupidity | TrackBack | Stumble

October 17, 2006

Frightened

People frighten me.

On a typical day, I can expect to see that most people who used a search engine to get here to the Red Monkey were actually searching for "Red Monkey Jeans." I've also seen these variations:

• monkey mowing
• monkey logos
• little red monkey tshirt
• monkey scary stories
• red monkey design
• who made red monkey jeans
• red monkey t-shirts

Okay, okay. I thought my little red monkey was simply a symbol of my ADHD, but apparently I should have clad him in jeans from the beginning. I get that now.

Also, in my larger website, I have a section, badly in need of a re-design, which features the park Caelum Moor by Norm Hines and which was funded by the Jane Mathes Kelton foundation. So I get a fair number of hits for those key words. Those are the things I'm used to seeing.

I've also gotten some freaking BIZARRE hits from search engines as well. One has something to do with "schoolgirl dirty socks keds," I believe. He didn't stick around long and I don't WANT to know what he was actually looking for.

But I got one today that just took the cake ... which has now spawned this top ten list of crazy or just odd search terms used to hit my site:

• number 10 ... skateboard helmets are geeky (yes, yes they are ... unfortunately my other half insists that I use one ... dammit)
• number 9 ... symptoms sprained broken finger (I don't think I've ever talked about this)
• number 8 ... claw growing in paw (we had this happen to one of the cats - she stopped shedding claws and it just kept growing in a curve ... nasty)
• number 7 ... help for my third grader wont behave in class (well don't use ME for an example!)
• number 6 ... talequah oklahoma gay locations (my grandparents lived there for quite a while ... that is one tiny, rural area ... my guess: not a lot of gay hotspots there)
• number 5 ... skateboard wheels sidewalks cracks (if you board much, you know those damn things are deadly ... particularly if you're old like me and still own a board with metal or clay wheels ... OW)
• number 4 ... adhd gorilla (WTF?)
• number 3 ... how to make a pillow deadfall trap (does this dude want to CATCH his pillow? has it been escaping him every night?)
• number 2 ... miniature railroad spikes on banjos (normal people canNOT make this stuff up ... I don't have the slightest clue where to begin with that)
• and ... the number 1 most BIZARRE search term came today ... I am still completely and totally confused and blow away by this: "If a mexican and a white person marry how will there [sic] child look"

People frighten me. A lot.

I can't count the number of things in that last one that disturb me ... not the least of which is that it landed them on a page where I did kind of sort of talk about that.

Oh, for more frightening things ... check this out from Rain on my Tirade (again! she is cracking me up).

Posted by Red Monkey at 5:11 PM | Comments (3) | Never Underestimate the Power of Human Stupidity | TrackBack | Stumble

September 24, 2006

Jesus Camp

This terrifies me. (It's a You-Tube video in the extended entry section.)

Jesus Camp is a documentary film about Becky Fischer's Kids on Fire camp, but follows three youngsters and their involvement in what they see as a Jesus movement.

Now look, people who are rational and fervent in their beliefs don't frighten me. I don't care if those beliefs are Buddhist, Muslim, Christian, Democrat, Republican, or whatever. If you can discuss your beliefs without trying to force them on someone else ... without insisting that those beliefs are "undoubtedly correct and the only way" ... then we're cool.

People who think they should die for "the one, true way" scare the crap outa me.

Check out the video in the extended link ... and more commentary after that.

The things that frighten me about this little sound byte of info are:
1) children in camo and militaristic mindset ... even though the kids are apparently performing in a recital or revival or something. I do not want children to lay their lives down for the lord in quite that violent way. To me, Jesus was about peace and love and turning the other cheek. I'm not saying that I, personally, am always able to accomplish that myself ... just saying that training children otherwise frightens me.

2) at least the people in these clips are not very concerned with open dialogue. I know that the gentleman from Fuller Theological says that the youth movement is training kids to engage in open dialogue, but the clip from the Kids on Fire camp does not indicate anything other than indoctrination.

NOTE: I am commenting on the CLIP ... not the actual Kids on Fire camp nor these people ... this might simply be a news clip which is showing only the most "damning" portions.

3) I am offended at the stupidity of the news clip to insinuate that every child who attends a Christian rock concert or goes ot a Christian sponsored skateboard competition ... or whatever, is also to be compared to the children who are the focus of the Jesus Camp documentary. That is just lame. There are variations in every movement and I don't think that you can compare a Christian rock concert with some of what we see in these clips of the Kids on Fire camp. Also, when you are talking about Christian rock ... you are for the most part talking about older people, not 8 and 10 year olds. A 15 year old is more able to think things through on his own than an 8 year old.

What are your opinions? Will you be checking out this documentary? How do you feel about what you've seen of the Kids on Fire camp (and the news coverage of this camp, the movie and Christian youth movements in general)?

Just a couple of questions.

Posted by Red Monkey at 3:33 PM | Comments (2) | Never Underestimate the Power of Human Stupidity | TrackBack | Stumble