June 27, 2010

Dear Adobe

Seriously? What is unexpected about File>Quit? I'd say that was pretty definite. I mean, it's not ambiguous like File>Ummmm, I think I might want to-OH LOOK! Shiny!

I mean it just does not inspire confidence to spend over $1000 oil-soaked clams on your software when you can't even get the programs to understand that the Quit command means quit.

Waaaaait. I get it. Every time I send in a crash report, I'm added to a list, right? And then you guys randomly send a beachball or "unexpectedly quit" command the los interwebz for every time I send in a crash report. Just identifying us troublemakers, eh? Well, I'm too smart, I just won't - hey! That's the idea, innit? You think that'll make us complain less? Well, you won't win that ...

I think this is what they call a vicious circle.

Posted by Red Monkey at 7:41 PM | Comments (0) | Design | People Say I Have ADHD, But I Think - Hey Look, A Chicken | Stumble

March 6, 2010

Toasted

Several friends on Twitter were discussing various home kitchen incidents today. I won't name names, but the exploding rice in the microwave was not the kind of "honey, I exploded the microwave" I was thinking.

Which all reminded me of the toaster we had in Austin, back in the days when a toaster was a major kitchen appliance and cost, apparently, 80 bazillion dollars. Our toaster no longer had a working timer. The toast would not pop up and Mom would not splurge on a new toaster. This one still worked, after all, you just had to stand there by it and count to sixty. Then pull the lever up and voila! Toast!

So, Grandma was visiting and Mom had to go run some early morning errand. She tasked Grandma with getting us fed breakfast and getting us dressed for the day. Presumably so we could all go shopping at the mall, not exactly a great motivator for me. Mom gave me her serious face and told me to {insert booming announcer voice here} "Make sure Grandma counts to sixty at the toaster."

My little sister is in her chair, eating breakfast and Grandma and I retreat to my room to pick out clothes for the day. Honestly, I didn't need help, I was SIX, for crying out loud and I can dress myself, but you know, it's Grandma and any attention is good, so I GUESS she can come help me pick out "appropriate" clothes. Let me give you a hint. It was the 70s. There were no appropriate clothes. *shudder*

My two and a half year old sister (maybe it was 3.5?) comes strolling into my room and I'm puffing up to holler at her about how this is MY room and she is supposed to be eating breakfast, when she pipes up with:

"Grandma, the kitchen is on fire." And calmly walks back into the fiery kitchen to eat her breakfast.

Grandma and I exchanged that utterly panicked look and took off running for the kitchen.

Flames were shooting up out of the toaster, but luckily, nothing else had actually caught fire yet. There was soot on the light fixture and the cabinets, but they weren't even blackened yet. We lucked out.

My sister was back at the table, calmly eating breakfast and just kind of watching Grandma put the fire out and begin the cleaning process. Grandma was trying to get everything perfectly cleaned up before Mom got back ... and of course no one was going to say a word about this to Mommy, right?

And of course, Mom came back just before Grandma could get the light fixture back together.

Somehow the flaming toast was actually my fault ... even though Grandma was the adult who really should have remembered to count to sixty.

Come to think of it, Grandma's the one who taught me to clean up and hide my wrong-doings ....

We did, however, get a new toaster after that fiasco.

Posted by Red Monkey at 7:37 AM | Comments (1) | People Say I Have ADHD, But I Think - Hey Look, A Chicken | Stumble

December 7, 2009

Timmy Plays in the Snow

So of course, the day after I take some snaps of Timmy the Red-Nosed Reindeer Monkey, it snows here which is pretty much the perfect backdrop for a reindeer monkey. I snagged Timmy, set him up, told my dogs to shut it, I would be back inside momentarily and then had to dodge a neighborhood kid who wanted to talk to the doggies in the window. (And of course, the dogs wanted to talk back. Loudly. Not letting in a word edgewise.)

But I did manage a good snap of Timmy in his natural environs:

I think you can see the full effect of his glowing nose a little bit better here maybe. Certainly better than last night's too-dark and orange shot.

Posted by Red Monkey at 6:05 PM | Comments (0) | People Say I Have ADHD, But I Think - Hey Look, A Chicken | Sketches | Stumble

December 6, 2009

Voila! Timmy The Red-Nosed Reindeer Monkey

Sometimes I see something and it just clicks. As I've said, thinkgeek.com is one of my favourite places in the universe. They have a website with real humour, beautiful and innovative design work and products that appeal to me (and generally make me giggle). So, it was unsurprising when I went to their site the other day and saw their holiday header image and it made me giggle beyond the telling of it.

First, ThinkGeek's mascot is Timmy the Monkey. Being a Red Monkey myself, of course I like any site with a good monkey mascot. Being a pixel monkey myself, I appreciate the site's look and aesthetic. (What's not to like about that gorgeous robots to zombies background fade?)

Second, any site that uses nice renditions of my favourite puppet or claymation characters also has my full attention.

So to see Timmy the Monkey done up as Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer from the 1964 Rankin-Bass movie just delighted me and I knew I had to have a Timmy the Red-Nosed Reindeer Monkey of my very own. Preferably one with a light-up nose.

Also, after being sick as all get-out for a week with this damn sinus infection from hell, I needed a project I could immerse myself in and yet remain quiet and still and restful. So, I grabbed some bricks of Sculpey and Fimo and cleared off the glass drawing table and began kneading the polymer clay. The light colours on Timmy are just plain tan Sculpey. The darker area is tan mixed with chocolate and the antler nubs are chocolate Sculpey mixed with black Fimo. The black eyes and red nose are also Fimo.

The problem with working in Sculpey is the stuff is ridiculously soft. That makes it exceedingly difficult to get it completely smooth and exceedingly easy to get small flecks of other colours embedded into each other. The head construction was fairly easy, but smoothing out the seam of the ears was difficult without leaving further marks in the soft clay. It went pretty well, though, including the inlay of the tan into the ears.

Then I started the body. I toyed with the thought of using aluminum foil to take up some of the bulk, but to be honest, I've never had success using that method - I just never seem to get the clay smooth again over the crumpled foil. So, his body is a massive chunk of Sculpey. Then I cut a diagonal line to create the joint for one leg - just to see if this method would make a better joint for the legs. It did. I was pretty happy with that ... and then it was time for the damn arms. Really, the arms weren't so bad, but trying to do the hands in the incredibly soft Sculpey was an exercise in masochism. Eventually I got it. Unfortunately, during the baking, both arms sagged downward more than I'd anticipated.

So he turned out pretty well, but that wasn't quite enough for me. I wanted a light-up nose, too. So, I carved into the back of Timmy's little head. I needed a slot big enough to slide a 3V 2032 button battery (often found in watches or super-slim remotes). I also needed a hole to insert the LED. Wiring him up was far easier than I thought at first - the area was small enough that all I really needed to do was slide the battery in between the wires in the LED - no additional wiring really needed. I could just take the battery out to turn it off. Far simpler than trying to embed both wiring and a switch inside the Sculpey head - particularly since I didn't want to bake the wiring along with the Sculpey.

There ya have it! Timmy the Red-Nosed Reindeer Monkey.

Posted by Red Monkey at 3:39 PM | Comments (4) | People Say I Have ADHD, But I Think - Hey Look, A Chicken | Sketches | Stumble

December 5, 2009

Timmy the Red-Nosed Reindeer Monkey

It's no secret that I enjoy being a massive geek, so it's no real surprise that I adore thinkgeek.com. I logged in over there the other day, only to discover their holiday theme is up ... and it's based on the old clay-mation Christmas specials like Rudolph. In fact, one of their designers has mocked up a Timmy (their mascot monkey - hello, I am the Red Monkey, you KNOW I love thinkgeek!) as Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. The header with that image is not on every page, it's in a random rotation at the moment, but play around a bit on their site and you'll see it.

I LOVE it! Of course. So, since I've finished the last of my major projects (other than cleaning the house), I decided that the perfect sick-time activity this weekend is making a Timmy the Red-Nosed Reindeer Monkey. I am going to try to hit Radio Shack tonight and pick up a red LED to put inside him as well.

So, this is the head, pre-baking. It's primarily Sculpey with a bit of Fimo in the nose and mixed into the antler nubs.

Building the body's going to be very interesting ....

Posted by Red Monkey at 4:07 PM | Comments (1) | People Say I Have ADHD, But I Think - Hey Look, A Chicken | Sketches | Stumble

November 17, 2009

Woot.com

So I love Woot.com - they have some of the best copywriting anywhere. Case in point - the copy for Homeland Security Wireless Day/Night Camera Kit – 2 Pack:

A sign was painted
Said: Private Property

Chorus: This land is homeland This land is my land From the chain-link front fence To the back fence I’ve planned From the Coxes’ driveway To the Hingles’ swingset This land’s surveilled for me to see

Well, they say a man’s home Is that man’s castle Where he won’t get harassed And he won’t get hassled But thugs are out to get me And they’re all around me That’s why this land’s surveilled for me to see

Chorus

I installed those cameras Just as a precaution So that all the hoodlums Would know that someone’s watchin’ ‘em I haven’t seen them lurking So I guess it’s working This land’s surveilled for me to see

Chorus

Every night and weekend You can find me poring Over all my footage Though it’s mostly boring Just kids when school’s out And the mailman on his route Is all I’ve surveilled so far to see

Chorus

So no one’s done a crime yet But if someone did, though I know I would catch it Catch it right on video And when that happens I’ll get so much gratitude They’ll “thank god for your CCTV”

This land is homeland This land is my land From the chain-link front fence To the back fence I’ve planned From the Coxes’ driveway To the Hingles’ swingset This land’s surveilled for me to see

Ahhhhhhh, gotta love good copywriting.

Posted by Red Monkey at 6:21 AM | Comments (0) | People Say I Have ADHD, But I Think - Hey Look, A Chicken | Stumble