August 21, 2007

Sad

Local paper ... this is just sad.

I hate seeing a business 55 years old ... SO much history ... I hate seeing them go under. It's just depressing.

Posted by Red Monkey at 3:34 AM | Comments (1) | Struggles | Stumble

July 14, 2007

Stability

Ain't no such thing.

Despite the fact that I certainly crave a certain amount of stability, the world is, as always, an uncertain place. When I was first hired at ... hmmm ... let's call them ProductsOnline, the president of the company was very honest and upfront with me. ProductsOnline was having some issues. They were attempting to turn around the company, but they thought they had a good handle on it. That was in November of 2004. I started there as copywriter, but the president was influenced and intrigued by my web design skills as well. He was hoping to bring several design elements in-house and he thought my combo of writing and "skillz of an artist" (Strongbad quote ... Dragon/Trodgor email) would help the company.

Fast forward to a few months ago. I'm now definitely still the go-to person for words, but my primary job is far more design oriented. I've created banners for the retail store, signage, all sorts of design projects. I'm not the lead designer, but I'm darn happy to be designing. The company begins a re-structure. The business plan changes. The creative staff survive, but a lot of people don't. The executives want to make darn sure that the creative staff stays and stays happy. Two of the three of us do.

Scan forward to this past week.

The unexpected.

I have gotten new assignments in the past week. I'm working on them.

Office doors open and close. They're not usually closed, but it's not too unusual to have a closed-door meeting from time to time.

The company is to be sold. Or something. Paring down the staff again.

Not going forward with so many of the programs I've worked on since I was hired.

Nearly the entire staff is gone now.

Including the creative team. Including the guy who's been there since ProductOnline's inception.

Hence ... shock.

I have a nice "severance" package. It's called something else, but that's what it boils down to. Actually, it's more than "nice" ... but at moments like this ... it's hard to think in those terms.

Instead I think of the wretchedness I feel for my friends who are now out of work. Almost all of my friends at work have kids.

Lack of stability. No certainty in this world except change.

One door closes and another opens.

Still. It takes a moment to stare at that closed door which was once your shining open door of potential and opportunity ... it takes a moment to penetrate ... that door is closed now.

I don't know if being out of work and scrambling for a new job will make me quieter here ... or give me too much time to ruminate and share.

Life goes by pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.

Guess I'll do some looking around.

Posted by Red Monkey at 7:28 AM | Comments (2) | Struggles | Stumble

July 10, 2007

Shock

So ... anyone looking to hire a full-time graphic designer?

Posted by Red Monkey at 5:04 PM | Comments (4) | Struggles | Stumble

June 22, 2007

Central Line Thru Intubation?

UPDATE: Never mind. The person who told me that had gotten garbled info from a nurse. Is everyone okay? Sort of. Pulmonary embolism ... friend back home in Texas ... crappy ass "long term care facility" ... had to call a friend and tell them to call the nurses when she was having troubles. I hate idiots.

Anyone know anything about WHY the HELL you'd stick a central line down someone's intubated throat?

(No, not me. Duh, I'm typing this now. ... And, no, not my partner.)

Posted by Red Monkey at 6:33 PM | Comments (1) | Struggles | Stumble

June 17, 2007

Back Then

Well, all through the blogosphere I'm sure there are tons of posts about how great Dads are. This isn't exactly one of those posts.

Father's Day is a really hard time for me. I want to be supportive of all of the excellent fathers out there. And there are a lot of them. But this time of year people keep talking about giving thanks to their fathers and I can't help but feel left out. I've had people tell me how even if my Dad could be a jerk, that I should be thankful for all he did for me. I've had people tell me that I should send him a card for father's day. Or call him.

But the fact of the matter is, it's just hard for me to even talk about my dad. You see, I completely idolized him as a little kid. He did so many cool things. He worked with computers (at a time when they used punchcards and took up a huge room) and I thought that was cool. He had the coolest board games (like his Parcheesi game). He had a train set and built cool little buildings and painted toy trucks and such. We watched sci-fi movies, planet of the apes movies, voyage to the bottom of the sea and, of course, he took me to see a little movie called Star Wars.

But, by the time I was about 6 or 7 he went missing in action even though he still lived in the same house with us.

I wrote that in 2005, and it's still very much true. But despite the missing dad, the abusive dad ... it's getting easier ... finally ... to remember playing soccer in the backyard whilst he was drunk ... and him acting more like a gleeful little boy than the tyrant he'd mostly become by then. That was a good afternoon for us and one that I cherish. I remember the glee with which he and I opened the train set that grandma had given to both of us. The fascination I had for watching him (I wasn't allowed to touch it) as he painted figures, painted the trains, built and painted and placed the buildings. The utter joy with which we would watch Logan's Run and the rest of our shows. Even the looks he and I would exchange when my mom would do something particularly "girly" ... we'd share that "ugh, girls!" look. I think of all the things that Dad and I loved and how much alike we could be. He got me my first model airplane, an F-15. And then he taught me the difference between the look of the F-16 and the 15. I was about four or five at the time and I was fascinated by the double tail fin.

Another year.

Posted by Red Monkey at 6:34 PM | Comments (0) | Struggles | Stumble

June 3, 2007

Frustration

I hate those days when I am filled with both lethargy and restlessness. When I find it difficult to go do the things I should do ... and yet, don't have the energy to pick up my pencils and Copic markers and draw either.

I am simply happy that my other half is home ... seems to be well.

I want to know when the exhaustion and struggles give way to more than two breaths of rest and relaxation.

Posted by Red Monkey at 2:02 AM | Comments (1) | Struggles | Stumble