July 21, 2006

Time

One of the purposes of my going back to Arlington, Texas, last week was to check out Ye Olde Homesteade ™ and see how the old neighborhood was holding up. Another purpose was to get some scans of mom's photo albums. Missions both accomplished. Below you can see the house as it was back in the winter of 1978 (I think ... might have been 1979). We'd seen snow once while living in Austin the five years previous to this, and that had not quite covered the grass completely. I'd also seen snow when we lived in the evil Carmel, Indiana, but my sister had not. (Yeah, that's us all gussied up in 1970s godawful ugly coats.)

 

The second picture is the REALLY fast snapshot I took while the rental car idled in front of the house. Besides the obvious summer/winter differences, I hardly recognized the same house when I first drove by. The number of trees stunned me as did the pretty much dead grass. I wanted to get a close-up of the front door which has been painted bright turquoise since I moved out waaaaaaaay back in 1988, but that photo was taken too hurriedly and didn't turn out at all.

There's nothing more likely to convince you that time really has truly passed like going back to an old house (or school). Most days, I feel like I'm exactly the same person I was back in high school or junior high. Maybe a touch more mature or a bit more sure of myself, but essentially the exact same person.

Seeing the difference in that house where I have lived the longest of any place in my life (and if you've read any of the posts describing how often we moved when I was growing up, you'll know that this is a big deal) ... it reminds me of just how much I have changed. Looking at the trees which are now huge and full, looking at the dead grass that was once meticulously tended ....
and still ... looking at the pattern of the house unchanged ... I have to remember, too, how much of my self was shaped by that house and everything that happened while I lived there. And that pattern, while different than it once was, is not as different yet as I had hoped it would be by now.

While I no longer try to please my family of origin (parents only) - that's long since been given up as a lost cause - I realized that I do very much still go overboard in trying to please my family of choice.

And while intellectually I know that my family of origin can no longer hurt me, I do still fear at least one of them very much and have no idea how to stop that fear.
(I'm luckier than a lot of folks who discuss family of origin vs. family of choice in that many members of my family of origin are also a part of my family of choice ... my sister, my maternal side of the family. Just not my parents themselves.)

Amazing what Then and Now pictures of a stupid house can dredge up.

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July 19, 2006

Passengers

The trip from California to Texas was interesting. We were on a larger plane for the flight to Houston than we had been from Chicago to San Fran and this one had an aisle 3 seats wide instead of two. We boarded the plane and discovered our seatmate already seated in the outside seat. He was none too happy about "being forced" to stand up, let us stow our bags and get seated.

I got stuck in the middle.

Mr. Family & Business Man instantly settled onto both armrests and practically opened his paper in my face.

Nice. It was going to be like that, huh?

At first, I tried to draw my personal space in a little, but it became very quickly clear that if I did that, he'd just quickly fill that void with himself. I pulled a little toward A, so he instantly opened his paper even wider until he was clearly in my seat-space.

Okay, at this point, I can:
A. say something
B. give up
C. fight back
D. fight back subtly

Well, A. would likely do no good at all. He was smug every time he took up more space. He was obviously playing games and once he realized that A and I were "together" and not "just" travelling companions, he got more snide and more smug, both. Speaking to him about the issue was going to be a point in his book and probably only encourage him to get worse ... or, most likely, give him the opportunity to say something derogatory and then get worse.

B. Well, duh, that's NOT an option.

C. Mostly see A. And, as the situation progressed - before we'd even taken off! - I knew nothing direct was going to work with this guy.

Fine. D, then. It was going to be a loooooong flight. I put my elbow behind his on the armrest. He thunked me with his, acting as if he'd slipped ... but there was no apology. I kept my ground and read my book. If he moved, I tried to regain my personal space back ... not creep into his, I wouldn't sink completely to the level of his games. A few times, I moved to regain space before he moved.

This works fairly well until he was almost done with his paper. Then, he put his knee against mine and began rubbing.

UGH.

This can be a tight quarters gesture. It can also be something more intimate among a couple. Trust me when I say, this was definitely not a tight quarters accidental rubbing up against. Ugh, I could feel his smarminess.

I finally hauled my knee away slightly and bumped his hard as I got into my backpack. He smirked. Dammit, he considered that a point. Stupid asshole and his game-playing. And I was falling right into it.

Light bulb.

I reached for A's hand. Grimace from him. Point for me.

Honestly, I thought when this little stupid dance had begun that he was going to be a someone from whom I would have to earn a little respect by being diligent about my personal space. Now, as I sunk into this stupid game playing more fully, I realized this wasn't true. He was pissy people were sitting next to him. He was pissy we were gay. He was pissy because he couldn't make me move to another seat. (Of which there were some in the back.) He was pissy because I wouldn't just give up.

Grrrrrrr. What to do now? I didn't really want to have to play games the entire flight to Houston. So, I decide to completely distract myself by watching the Clone Wars cartoons on my computer. I dutifully pull it out and set up ... and I have now unwittingly scored more points against Mr. Bugger. The 17" laptop with the nifty skin on it has begrudgingly impressed him. So much so, that he has to pull his peecee out of its bag and immediately commence working on his nifty Excel spreadsheets.

I insert headphones and proceed to ignore him.

He attempts a few more space grabs. I don't let him, but no longer fret over it. I can now feel him seething, but I do my best to simply ignore the sithspawn annoying little womprat. (I read about 4 Star Wars books during the trip ... can you tell?)

He actually began shifting his screen on his little desk so that I could/would see what he was working on. I think he was hoping to catch me peering at his screen so he could squawk. I watched my cartoons instead.

Boy, was I happy to get off that flight.

As we migrated through the Houston airport to catch our connection to DFW, I began discussing rude people and their inability to sense personal space. Loudly. He was right behind me. I launched into a tirade about people who think the world is owed to them and we should genuflect to them. I also said something about I should have called his wife (his desktop wallpaper was the little missus) and told her about the knee-rubbing bit. For some reason, he decided to walk instead of taking the slidewalks.

The flight to DFW, thankfully, was peaceful.

And, the flights home were also peaceful. Sadly, I cracked the heck out of my knee on the first flight. By the time we made our connecting flight in Cleveland, the stupid thing was both bruised and swollen. Ahh well. The perils of flying.

We're home now and I'm back to work today. I had wanted to have a day off before going back to work, but A's interview with the seminary couldn't be scheduled until Monday, so it is what it is. She, of course, is off the rest of the week.

So ... when posed with the interesting imposed travel companion ... how do you assert yourself? Do you play the games? Do you try to ignore it?

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July 18, 2006

Gulls in San Francisco

Again, clicking on this will get you a 1024x768 desktop image.

These are gulls in the San Francisco bay, just to the side of Alcatraz.

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July 17, 2006

Got Food?

If you've seen Meerkat Manor on the Animal Planet channel, you recognize these little guys. The meerkats at the Fort Worth zoo had what seemed like a decent amount of space, but I only saw about three of the little buggers, usually there's a lot more than that and their territory in the wild is several miles. These little guys were quite zoo-tame ... that is, not something you could EVER take home, but they were quite used to observing people observing them. In fact, this little guy was positive I was going to feed him. He ran directly up to the glass separating us and begged (actually, he expected) me to give him food.

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July 14, 2006

Trapped ... And Hungry

From the Fort Worth Zoo ... just when I thought that all good zoos had redesigned their enclosures to give the animals more space...
This jaguar has one of the larger enclosures and as you can see, while folks get fairly close to the animal, the price is a small enclosure and nasty chain link fencing, or in some areas, glass.

If you click on the picture, you should get a 1024x768 desktop size version.

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July 11, 2006

San Fran II

Once again, I'm in San Francisco ... and no trip actually to Alcatraz. I am crushed.

We stayed at the Pickwick Hotel at Fifth and Mission ... just a block off Market street. We walked up to Chinatown, got to see the Lion Gate ... walked all through Chinatown and then walked out to the northeast wharf historic district (I think that's close to what it was called). From there up to Pier 41 and Fisherman's Wharf. Sadly, we missed Boudin's Sourdough, thinking we'd get back there. We also didn't get to Aquarium of the Bay, either. I think we needed another couple of days here at least. Ah well.

Then, the line for the cable car was probably about a two hour wait. So, we decided to be totally and completely insane and WALK all the way back from Fisherman's Wharf to our hotel. In total, we spent approximately 7 hours walking the first day we were here ... including some of the killer hills San Fran is so well known for. By the time we got to the hotel (only one wrong turn that meant walking five blocks in the wrong direction and then, of course, another five back the right way), we both realized that our insoles were shot to hell and we actually needed not just new insoles, but new shoes. Can you say, OW, the blisters? I knew you could.

Sadly, that meant waiting until stores opened Monday morning to begin the real purpose of the San Fran leg of the trip.

Armed, errr, footed with brand-new shoes and my using the transit website for San Fran, we boarded BART and headed into Beserkley, errr, Berkeley. We got on the correct bus, with no problem, then waited for the "Downtown Berkeley" stop. There is no such stop. The locals know it's the Berkeley stop ... all us rubes got off at North Berkeley and had to go back a stop. Then, sadly, the transit system's website did NOT list the correct bus to take up to the Pacific School of Religion. And, in fact, their little "show me the map to my stop" feature showed us the way to the wrong side of the street ... so the bus we boarded was going in the wrong direction.

After a rocky ride around Berkeley, we finally got off on our stop ... which turned out to be maybe 6-10 blocks past where we got off the BART! ARGH!!!! Now it was a 6 block walk uphill (both ways? well, not quite, but by this time it kinda felt like it). We got to PSR and wandered around a bit.

Since this is probably A's first pick for seminary, I was surprised when she just wanted a fast look-'round. I bullied her into talking to someone, and we're both glad I did now. We got a nice tour from a student who just finished his first year, and is interested in some of the same things as she is. So that was a very nice bonus. We got a tour of the school, which was a bit bigger than our meager poking around, and we got some of the application materials for her to apply fall 2007.

This afternoon, we head on to Dallas/Fort Worth. Finally, I get to show off the place I lived the longest in my entire life. With any luck, we won't be too tired, and we'll take a little drive down to Austin, as well. That's where my heart is ... I still think Austin is the most beautiful city in the world.

Regrets:
Missed Alcatraz
Missed the Castro
Missed Aquarium of the Bay
Missed the Golden Gate Park
Missed Pixar
Didn't ride a cable car (I'm not sure I regret that, but I think A does)

Highlights:
Chinatown
I took A to a little Tea Bar in Chinatown that I'd been by when here on business in March - she LOVED it.
Walking San Fran ... yes, we were wiped out after that and I have a hellacious sunburn on my face, but it was a wonderful walk.
The wharf district - beautiful, even if Alcatraz mocked me yet again
PSR (Pacific School of Religion)
"tour" of Berkeley
The Apple Store
A little hole-in-the-wall Mac store
The Tea Bar (I'm adding it a second time cuz it was A's absolute favourite thing)
Ghiradelli Square (particularly for A since she enjoys chocolate so much)

So, the Highlights do far outnumber the Regrets ... but ... the Alcatraz thing just depresses me beyond belief.

Posted by Red Monkey at 7:50 AM | Comments (6) | Vacations and Photos | TrackBack | Stumble