Itsy Bitsy Spider
February 3, 2006

Okay, so I know I said I was gonna talk about the perv-y Sunday school teacher, but I got distracted by telling this story at work yesterday.

I have been afraid of fire for most of my life. One of the very few fears I have, it became a full-blown phobia over the course of my childhood for a myriad of reasons, all of them surrounding my dad's intense fascination with fire as a cure-all for most every home improvement project.

For example, when I was about 3 or 4, and we were either living in New Mexico or Oklahoma, we had a slight tarantula problem. As in they were all over the backyard. Big-ass, fist sized spiders, all furry and fangy and they utterly terrified my mother.

So, one evening, my father decides that he has the perfect solution to the problem.

He digs small holes in the backyard, pours gasoline in them, and as the tarantulas wander down into the little pits, he sets the whole mess on fire. It was early evening, dusk, stars beginning to shine in the sky (so it must have been New Mexico) and you can see the backyard beginning to move on its own. First one corner of the yard, then another ... slowly creeping around, more irregular than the wind whispering through the grass ... largely because we didn't have any grass, just a lot of dirt. Then a small echoing whoomp, and a blue glow quickly turning orange and yellow.

Welcome to the new house, kid ... and by the way, beware the flaming tarantulas of doom wandering around the backyard.

Posted by Red Monkey at February 3, 2006 5:01 AM | Never Underestimate the Power of Human Stupidity | | StumbleUpon Toolbar Stumble |


Flo said:

I love fire, as long as it's under control.
There's nothing like a warm, crackling fire fuelled (or not) by arachnids, on a cold winter's evening.
Please see my recent post for those fires we don't like down here...


February 3, 2006 6:40 AM


T. said:

OMG! That's terrible. I would be scarred after that too. I'm deathly afraid of spiders because they were EVERYWHERE when I was growing up--those huge yellow and black garden spiders, black widows, and wolf spiders. Yuck. I'm afraid of fire, too. What a coincidence. Two of my best friend's houses burned down when I was young so I'm always very careful with fire.

February 3, 2006 8:40 AM


Nicky said:

Flaming tarantulas of doom? *shudders* Understandable fear of flames.

February 3, 2006 9:17 AM


otilius said:

Wow! FLAMING TARANTULAS OF DOOM could be the next Neil Gaiman book...a sequel to ANANSI BOYS

February 3, 2006 10:22 AM


guppyman said:

OK... That is a great band name... The Flaming Tarantulas of Doom!

February 3, 2006 11:11 AM


Ange said:

That is very scary, hope I don't have nightmares now!

February 4, 2006 1:19 PM


seawave said:

Wow, you paint quite a vivid picture with your words in this jpost. Wonderfully written, as always.

February 5, 2006 7:10 PM

That's some scary stuff Ender!! Spiders freak me out!!!

February 8, 2006 5:57 PM
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