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Something that came to me during a conversation with a dear friend ... reminding me that we all do this dance in our own ways now and then.

it's more fun to play with the knife blade than to make a decision
the agonizing and alive feeling
one little thrust ... one word
and it's the melodramatic end of the world as we know it
or
we could
we could put it away ...
          and then, perhaps agonize over could have beens
but the pain of playing there on the edge
that makes us both miserable and alive all at once

remember what it was like to live without the self-recriminations?
to live as the true self ...
you do remember that?

but now ... now
we're just dancing on the knife's edge

          so i should just plunge it in then

I would certainly recommend putting the damn thing away
putting it all behind us
but
    i'm not so sure we can do that
physically and emotionally exhausted and drained from all our other issues
and not thinking straight

so we're gonna do this that we shouldn't do
then punish ourselves for the rest of our lives
when the only thing we did
was to be human

we convince ourselves that we're trapped
and helpless
alone and weak
and when we're convinced of all of that
we spin our wheels
mired in the mud
and getting nowhere

looking behind at mistakes
ahead at what might have been
and then down to the mud
sure we'll never get out of this rut
and move forward

so we're haunted
by everything that led to this place
and haunted by everything that we could have once accomplished

uncommitted to action
playing on the edge of slicing the pain away
or putting the painful and pretty distraction away
and owning our own lives

dancing on the knife's edge
just to feel alive

Posted by Red Monkey at October 10, 2006 7:21 PM | Struggles | | Stumble |

I know the knife's edge all to well..I have known those that have danced there for a life time. Offer a hand is all we can do but until they are ready to put down the knife and stop the dance we can only keep trying to change the music.
(((ender)))

October 10, 2006 7:23 PM

Speechless...

October 11, 2006 6:48 AM