Nervous
May 28, 2007

So ... tomorrow my other half goes in for a completely routine surgery. We know what the issue is ... it's not serious in terms of life threatening or anything ... but definitely a required surgery. We've been hoping for the surgery for quite a while ... and yet ... now that it's impending ... I'm finally nervous.

I don't tell her that, of course. I want to portray a nice, soothing confidence so that she'll go into this in the right frame of mind. And, from her reactions, I'm certain that I'm succeeding.

So I'll just write it here, knowing she very rarely reads the blog:

I am nervous.

It's easier to go through something myself, than to watch, ultimately helplessly, as someone I love dearly is in pain and going through surgery. I've pooh-poohed the six months of chemo that I went through in 1999 and 2000. I've shrugged off the two week-long ESHAP sessions which were done to prepare me for a bone marrow transplant. I've gloated that my bone marrow transplant was, in fact, one of the easiest and most "boring" transplants Indiana Med Center had ever seen. (Or was that University Hospital ... I dunno ... was the same one Lance Armstrong got his cancer taken care of at. ... Good gods ... two dangling prepositions ... ACK! the English teacher in me is screaming right now.)

I have spent so much of my life throwing myself into the line of fire in order that someone else wouldn't have to feel the pain, that I'm completely unprepared for how to be when I can't take the pain onto myself.

On top of this immediate issue is the fact that my little sister has one of those annoying health "non-issues" right now ... that is, the medical community seems to think it's not an issue, but all of us regular-joes kinda look at it like, excuse me, WTF?

Just a little stressed.

And this is compounded by the fact that I now have to find a new general practitioner doctor of my own. The one I've been to for years is not on my new insurance. And the one that I just started seeing and absolutely ADORE ... apparently freaking abandoned her practice quite recently. No notice. I went to get my Effexor refilled ... pharmacy never got the 'scrip ready. I finally went in ... they can't get a hold of the doctor. I call the office ... "Oh, she's not here anymore." EXCUSE ME????? "I think she went to the VA hospital."

No forwarding number, I can't find the number in our phone book and now I'm off the meds that make ya sick when you go off them cold turkey. No wonder I've had stomach issues the last week or two.

So ...
anyway ....

Surgery prep junk is today starting at 11 a.m.
Sadly, no bbq for my partner today ... she can't have more than a light lunch at 11 (and believe me, light lunch according to the hospital ain't much) ... and then just liquids from noon on. Then off to hospital by 5:30 tomorrow morning ... surgery at 7:30. Then there's a minimum of 2-5 days in hospital.

It's gonna be a loooooooooooooooooooong week.

Posted by Red Monkey at May 28, 2007 5:19 AM | Struggles | | StumbleUpon Toolbar Stumble |

 

serenity said:

The waiting time before surgery is the hardest part...time seems to stand still. I can relate to how difficult it is to watch someone you love in pain, and having to have surgery, and it is agonizing. But knowing she has you, and she is loved by you will make all the difference in the world for her recovery.

May you know there are people who care who are sending you thoughts, prayers, well wishes, and comfort through the miles...and though it isn't the same as being in person, maybe it will help just a little bit to know how much you both are genuinely cared for and supported in heart and prayers.

Be gentle with yourself, and just know that your greatest strength and comfort is to love each other through it.

May 28, 2007 6:38 PM

I'll be thinking about you two....hope everything goes well.

May 29, 2007 7:17 AM
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