His Birth Day ... EMDR
November 15, 2007

So last year on this date, I posted a rather disturbing picture. I didn't think much about it. It was an instinctual thing I was driven to make that evening ... and then post. I was, for some reason, surprised when MsDemmie asked about it and so, followed up with a bit of an explanation.

This year, the 15th of November was upon me without my hardly even realizing it. Last year I was compelled to commemorate ... this year, hardly a blink. Instead, I was thinking that the 15th of the month is when Gaia unveils that month's collectible item.

It wasn't until I got home from therapy that I realized what a momentous occasion today has been for me. I have found over the last several years of therapy (yes, and I thought I would work really hard and be completely done in a single year, maybe less ... what? I am NOT an over-achiever! lol) ... I've found that trying to process and move past a couple of very intense experiences when I was between 5 and 8 ... well, it just wasn't happening no matter how hard I tried. So, it's been off to a new therapist to try some specialised techniques.

Today we did EMDR on the most troubling of events. Quick description of EMDR is that it addresses events which were so intense that they were not fully processed ... and it does it by creating a physiological "calmness" to help you process. I've explained that badly. Scanning the "Description of Therapy" section of the EMDR article at Wikipedia will explain it better than I!

Today is my father's 68th birthday. And to "celebrate" that, I went to therapy and, for the moment at least, I reduced the power he has over me.

An odd sort of way to celebrate his birthday ... but one much more constructive than last year's (no matter how cathartic that little exercise was).

Amazing what an hour's work done in a new and different way can accomplish what some 30 years of trying to do was never able to accomplish. The brain is truly an amazing and incredible place.

Posted by Red Monkey at November 15, 2007 5:21 PM | Struggles | | StumbleUpon Toolbar Stumble |


jodi said:

I am not sure what to feel...
For you.

There is a joy in this and the pain that surrounded this day somewhat dissipated? I hope.
I am happy you did something for you. And only for you. I am happy that it assisted you move forward, however much...
For within the bitter words I do read and I do feel a small sense of gratification...

Love ya Endy!

November 15, 2007 6:11 PM


MsDemmie said:

I hope this is the beginning of the end of the power her holds over you. Good luck on the way forward and much love X

November 16, 2007 6:18 PM

Today I got a bday card a day late from my mother.... I didn't expect one at all. She said once years ago that she had never really realized how much I hated her after everything that happened to me as a child. Funnt that she would think it ok not to protect me and to do all the other active things she did to cause me harm, and think she would be held blameless. I have not destroyed the card yet, in all its lavender blandness with only a "Dear Judi" and a "love, Mom".

So much pain and betrayal, and no matter what, I hope that you are doing what is right for you. I send blessings and some measure of understanding, although no one will ever truly know.

Judith HeartSong

November 17, 2007 5:39 PM


Keli said:

Since this is my first visit, and I seemed to have landed quite in the middle of things, I went to your "About Me" page. Fascinating! It sounds like you have a lot to be proud of. I'm sorry about your parental woes. But I believe the fact that you have a great deal of awareness, puts you ahead. The brain is amazing.

November 18, 2007 10:10 AM


David said:

I spent all my childhood in orphanages – my mother abandoned me when I was 2 but in retrospect, it was a blessing in disguise. I had a complete transformation in mind, body & spirit [2004] after years of therapy [Family of Origin & EMDR Therapy]. I asked Jesus to have mercy on me & forgive me my sins. He has delivered me from my inequities. Praise the Lord!

Yours In Christ

January 11, 2008 12:13 AM
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