Red Monkey Special
June 6, 2008

I rarely do things by halves. In junior high and high school, I didn't get a normal eczema or crazy zit issues. Nope, I got some weird-arse rash that split the side of my hand open every time I lifted something with my left hand. And my fingertips? No fingerprints as they were solid rash.

Never did find out what that was. Just another Red Monkey special.

I don't usually get a heat rash. Nope, I get a cold rash. Yes, that's right, I am allergic to the cold. And "cold" is a relative term. It might be 65 degrees and I'll get a cold rash (hives - it looks like hives).

Back in the late 90s, I kept going to the doctor with a rash and these weird little infections, fevers. Doctor kept "pooh-poohing" me. At that time, I had a low-paying adjunct job and no health insurance. The doctor wanted to run, get this, an AIDS test just because I'm gay. Never mind I'm in one of the lowest risk groups. I finally told him he could, but that wasn't the issue. He never did even draw blood for a CBC.

Turns out I had Hodgkin's - a lymphoma cancer. Only about 7500 new cases a year. Another Red Monkey special.

So, Wednesday night around 6 p.m., I went out to the garage to get the animal food for the dogs and the cats. Apparently, I missed a step. There's only two steps there. But when my partner came to ask me what the heck was the hold-up because the cats were starting to riot - I was sitting on the top step, rocking back and forth.

I thought I'd sprained the heck out of my right ankle, so we didn't go to the doctor until nearly noon the next day.

Nope. I pulled another Red Monkey special.

I spiral-fractured both freaking bones down near the ankle.

CT scan is on Monday. Surgery consult is on Thursday. Surgery sometime the week after that, I guess.

No job. No health insurance. I knew I should have immigrated to Canada.

And the kicker? I was going to go on a mission trip to one of my favourite places in the world - the trip is due to start June 19. Out to my beloved Navajo lands. Won't be making that trip now.

Oh, and the recovery time after surgery is about 4 months.

Yep, a Red Monkey special all right.

Posted by Red Monkey at June 6, 2008 10:47 AM | People Say I Have ADHD, But I Think - Hey Look, A Chicken | | StumbleUpon Toolbar Stumble |


r.e.wolf said:

Dang! That just sucks. :(

June 7, 2008 7:15 PM


Manictastic said:

Aw, you poor little thingie. Hope everything works out and you heal really quick.

June 8, 2008 1:11 PM


Chelle B. said:

Dang! :(

Well, I guess at least you can say that when you do something, you don't do it half assed.

Wait, you sort of did say that didn't you.

Anyway, do get well soon and keep us updated!

June 8, 2008 1:36 PM

You done broke it real good. It's the first time I ever heard of a spiral fracture. Sorry it was from you.

June 8, 2008 2:02 PM


Mark Stoneman said:

Damn, Ender! I'm really sorry to hear that. I was thinking about how a monkey can't catch a break, but then I realized that that thought only results in a bad pun. I hope the surgery and recovery go well. Hang in there!

June 8, 2008 3:48 PM


timethief said:

I'm so sorry to hear this. I will be keeping my fingers crossed for you and I hoping that you experience an speedy recovery.
Best wishes and lots of &hearts

June 8, 2008 3:57 PM


kdawg68 said:

Awe no!!!!! Not our monkey!!! Hope you're feeling well. I know it sucks you'll miss your Navajo trip - but maybe something good will come of it. Exactly what, I haven't a clue - but you never know.

As for that arse-rash - is it possible it was an Id reaction? Not even sure I spelled that right - but I got that once after a staff infection and poison ivy fused together and my white blood cells started WW3 on each other. Itchy as hell and it covered my hands overnight. Had to go on steroids to kill it - which is what caused my weight to first balloon up out of control (I'm talking being on prednizone for about 5 months - and now every time I get poison Ivy I have to do the same).

My own "red monkey specials" include kidney stones (multiple), diverticulitis, diverticular absess, tourette's syndrome, kahk-saki virus (again, I can't spell - basically it's hand, foot, and mouth disease), and god knows what else.

We must be bird's of a feather. :)

Anyhow, let me know if there's anything we can do for you. I'll volunteer to juggle for your amusement while you rest up and heal.

June 8, 2008 4:47 PM


Ekim941 said:

Best wishes on a speedy recovery.

Now lets' pick on Kdawg for saying the same thing over and over :)

June 8, 2008 5:29 PM


Chica said:

What a pain in the..well leg! hope ya have a great surgery and the recovery isn't overwhelming for you. Take care of yourself until then, and don't do more then you should! :)

June 8, 2008 6:33 PM


Nola said:

Oh, sweetie, I am just reading this now. I am SOO sorry! First, you must have a high threshold for pain!!! Second, seeing Sicko today really is too coincidental to reading this post and knowing how true the situation in America is for health care. It really pisses me off and I am so sorry that it's you that is the victim of a broken system.

I will be sure to *visit* you regularly and bring you soup!

June 8, 2008 11:57 PM


Mrs.4444 said:

Okay. Cannot read further without first commenting on this:
"I got some weird-arse rash" Can I just say that this made me laugh out loud?! She didn't have acne, but had some weird rash on her ass?? Too funny! Yes, your punctuation was fine; it was me!

Okay, I'm back. Realized I read another version of this on the Buzz, but that's okay. My heart goes out to you...

June 10, 2008 3:32 PM


blueyes said:

Holey...that bites the big one and I'm sorry. You just do what the doc says so you don't do further damage. I remember when I had surgery my cat clung to me, not that she didn't already do it but it was worse lol

I like the new background color too :)

June 11, 2008 10:16 PM
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