Escape ... with phat stacks
June 9, 2009

So, there's this song that I liked back in the day, called "Escape," but most of us call it the Piña Colada song. What sucks about being in "the" demographic is that far too often your best memories of back in the day are co-opted by inferior marketers who usually just screw it up.

Except sometimes they actually get it right.

And boy did Taco Bell get this one right. So right, in fact, that 30 seconds was just not long enough. Not being an in-front-of-real-live-people kind of singer, I'll just give you my alternate lyrics with two caveats.
1) It's completely fiction and I was rather thinking of Office Space whilst writing it this evening.
2) The main chorus utilizes most of the Taco Bell commercial's lyrics.

Oh and another thing? I don't actually like piña coladas, either. Like I said, it's fiction.

I'm so tired of this working
I've been at this too long
Like a gear in a clockwork
Of an ancient machine
So while I sorted some widgets
I wrote this song in my head.
Then tonight in the want ads
There was this letter I read:

If you like piña coladas
hate getting stuck in slow lanes
if you're not into meetings
and your boss has no brain
if you hate filling out your time sheets
in the bowels of the basement
Then I'm the cashflow you've looked for
Write to me and make cash

I didn't think about my coworkers
I know that sounds kinda cold
But they're all hacks anyway and
I need to leave behind the same old dull routine
So I wrote out an email
Answered that job posting fast
And though I'm no Twitter expert
I thought it wasn't half bad

Yes I like Piña Coladas
And not getting stuck in slow lanes
I'm not much into meetings
I am ready for phat stacks
I've got to interview after work tonight
And I need insurance fast
Got jacked by O'Malley
And I need Vicodin now

So I waited with high hopes
And the reply hit my inbox
I knew the Subject Line in an instant
I knew the turn of his phrase
It was my Nigerian partner
And he said, "Oh dear friend."
Then we scowled for a moment.
And I said, "You owe me big"

I thought I'd be out of the ratrace
Not getting stuck in slow lanes
No more boring meetings
Finally using my own brain
No more punching out time clocks
And enjoying my time

Selling crap on the eBay
And winning a big lottery...

Posted by Red Monkey at June 9, 2009 9:35 PM | People Say I Have ADHD, But I Think - Hey Look, A Chicken | | StumbleUpon Toolbar Stumble |

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